There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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