it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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