Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
