People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize