dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize