the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
