I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
