Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
