Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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