I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
