I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
