I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
