What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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