Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
