So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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