one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
