she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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