that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Randomize
