we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
