And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize