I never want to see another naked old woman again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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