Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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