Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
