I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
