well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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