We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
