New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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