Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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