Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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