You just made me feel so damn special
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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