i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
