I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
