No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
