Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
