how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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