I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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