Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
