I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
