Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
