I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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