my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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