the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize