So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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