I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
