Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
