those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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