Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
