I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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