At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
