Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
