Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
