Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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