I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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