Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
