No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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