I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
