So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
