woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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