Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
