I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
