trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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