Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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