Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
