just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
