Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
