You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The adults are the big ones right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
