You smell like stripper and shame
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
