I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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