Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize