it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
