i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
