If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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