If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am midnight drunk by noon
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
