forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
