And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
