I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
