i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
