You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
