We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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