just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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