my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
