he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
