You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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