Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How external is "for external use only"?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
