It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize