9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
