Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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