the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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