Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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