Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We had sex on a dog bed..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
