Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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