The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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