I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
