Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
