she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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