all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
