i just had sex bonerless
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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