I've blown a few things in my day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
