At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
