I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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