If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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