i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
