i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
